If you know that you ate something bad for dinner or you know you have a bad gas problem…stay in for the night. Don't come to my bar and fart. The problem is, bartenders are trapped behind the bar. When someone comes and drops their ass in on or around the bar, we have to stand there until your fart goes away. If you identify with any of these call it a movie night.
1. LDF – The long distance fart, or better known as the traveling fart. Just because you fart at one end of the bar doesn't mean we can't smell it on the other side and it is still killing us.
2. The Blamer – The person who farted and looks to the next person and blames it on them. Dude come on….you're the only one standing there….we know you did it.
3. The bust and run – We saw you come…..we smelt you leave. We will remember you the next time you come to the bar to get a drink…you may get served first but your drink will not be good.
4. The tormentor – You purposely fart around people and enjoy watching people gasp for air. I hope it burns your ass on the way out b/c that is not nice!
5. The Sharter - You farted earlier and didn't realize that you pooped a little and now a fart trail follows you and your friends feel bad for you and don't want to tell you, you A. Need to change your underwear and B. Get new friends.
The Bottom line is. Got Gas…STAY HOME! Do NOT keep farting at my bar.
Oh and if you did fart, you should leave a bigger and better tip for having me spend the next 60 secs gagging from your gas.
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