Ash trays are for ashes.
Enough said!
Keep your gum, chicken bones and whatever else you crazy people like to put in ash trays out. I have to clean that and it's gross.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
You're sooooo special!
Which one is the correct way to ask for discounnted drinks?
A.) What's Cheap?
B.) Do you have anything on special?
If you said B, CONGRATS you don't win a new car, but you get the right answer!
What's Cheap is you. You're bascially telling me you have no money and that every penny in the five dollars in your pocket is going straight towards getting you a drink and you are making us work for free. Awesome, I love going to work and working for nothing, don't you?!?
Asking what the specials are is just a better way of asking, I would be more then happy to tell you.
Also, lets say for fun, a type of vodka is on special. You can not modify a special. There are upcharges for extra liquor, or Redbull and even some places certain juices. Don't expect a Vodka, Peach Snapps, Triple Sec and Tequila with Redbull to be $3.00.
A.) What's Cheap?
B.) Do you have anything on special?
If you said B, CONGRATS you don't win a new car, but you get the right answer!
What's Cheap is you. You're bascially telling me you have no money and that every penny in the five dollars in your pocket is going straight towards getting you a drink and you are making us work for free. Awesome, I love going to work and working for nothing, don't you?!?
Asking what the specials are is just a better way of asking, I would be more then happy to tell you.
Also, lets say for fun, a type of vodka is on special. You can not modify a special. There are upcharges for extra liquor, or Redbull and even some places certain juices. Don't expect a Vodka, Peach Snapps, Triple Sec and Tequila with Redbull to be $3.00.
Home Sweet Bar
Treat your favorite watering hole, or any place for that matter, like you would treat your home. Please answer the following:
Do you eat a pile of chicken wings and leave bones all over the floor?
Do you stick gum all over the furniture at home?
Do you leave your trash all over your place?
Do you not see that trash can a foot away from where you are standing?
Do you puke all over your tables at home?
Would you want someone coming to your job or home and doing this to you? Not crying about having to clean up because that's part of having to work in a bar. But let's be honest, didn't anyone raise you better than to just leave crap everywhere and destory the place? That's not what going to a bar is. Be a good bar patron and throw your trash away.
Do you eat a pile of chicken wings and leave bones all over the floor?
Do you stick gum all over the furniture at home?
Do you leave your trash all over your place?
Do you not see that trash can a foot away from where you are standing?
Do you puke all over your tables at home?
Would you want someone coming to your job or home and doing this to you? Not crying about having to clean up because that's part of having to work in a bar. But let's be honest, didn't anyone raise you better than to just leave crap everywhere and destory the place? That's not what going to a bar is. Be a good bar patron and throw your trash away.
Match maker match maker make me a match...
My job is not to go to work everynight and play Match.com. I don't send drinks, love notes or relay messages because you either A.) have no balls to get up yourself and talk to someone. or B.) are way to lazy to move to the other side of the bar. I will not find out someone's sign, or what they like to do for fun or if they are a dog person or a cat person. I don't have time for that. Slam down a double shot of courage and do it yourself. Oh! and if you want to impress the person you are picking up, leave a big tip for the bartender (just thought I'd throw that in there).
Never Leave your drink unattended
I really shouldn't have to elaborate much further than the title. But those of you that still do not get it please continue to read.
Reason why you shouldn't:
1. Male or Female - Let's face it, there are some crazy people in this world. You never know if someone was stalking you all night and was waiting for the right chance to slip something in your drink. You should even be careful asking your friends to hold your drink. Also, don't ask me to watch it because I am not responsible for what happens to it.
2. Why would you want to leave your drink alone and then when you come back your not sure which one is yours?! I mean someone could be having a herpie outbreak and might have left their herpie juice all over the cup and now you are drinking out of it. Ewww...
3. You are all the sudden mad at me because I threw it away. If I see a half empty beer or drink on the bar with no one standing there drinking it, it's going in the trash because I like a clean bar. Not to mention, at the end of the night I have throw so many full drinks away because people just leave them there. How the heck am I supposed to know if this drink is done yet.
Bottom line, just keep your drink with you like it's your little new born baby.
Reason why you shouldn't:
1. Male or Female - Let's face it, there are some crazy people in this world. You never know if someone was stalking you all night and was waiting for the right chance to slip something in your drink. You should even be careful asking your friends to hold your drink. Also, don't ask me to watch it because I am not responsible for what happens to it.
2. Why would you want to leave your drink alone and then when you come back your not sure which one is yours?! I mean someone could be having a herpie outbreak and might have left their herpie juice all over the cup and now you are drinking out of it. Ewww...
3. You are all the sudden mad at me because I threw it away. If I see a half empty beer or drink on the bar with no one standing there drinking it, it's going in the trash because I like a clean bar. Not to mention, at the end of the night I have throw so many full drinks away because people just leave them there. How the heck am I supposed to know if this drink is done yet.
Bottom line, just keep your drink with you like it's your little new born baby.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Smile!
Why I’m so funny and why I have a dream to educate the world on how to act in a bar:
(The following events are a true story, name of the character has been changed due to completely humiliating this person.)
Weird creepy loser drunk guy: “Hey can I have a beer?”
The world’s most talented bartender on the east coast: “Sure…what kind?”
WCLDG: “Ugh…surprise me”
TWMTBOTEC: “Not really sure what you want, all we have left is Stella, Bud and Bud light”
WCLDG: “Aghhh forget it, I don’t have any money anyway.”
TWMTBOTEC: “So if you don’t have money to buy a beer, why did you order one?”
WCLDG: “Well, I could get one with my smile.”
WCLDG proceeds to smile and just proved that he has horrible genetics, never brushed and/or chewed on rocks everyday for 6 years.
TWMTBOTEC: “How about I give you two beers to never smile around me again?”
Yet another confused person on how to act in a bar. WCLDG…see what you don’t understand, is that a smile will only get you so far in life, a really bad smile will get you nowhere in life. So, spend some extra hours at the office, or whatever it is you do and save save save for that one time you have an urge to grab a beer. Money=beer.
(The following events are a true story, name of the character has been changed due to completely humiliating this person.)
Weird creepy loser drunk guy: “Hey can I have a beer?”
The world’s most talented bartender on the east coast: “Sure…what kind?”
WCLDG: “Ugh…surprise me”
TWMTBOTEC: “Not really sure what you want, all we have left is Stella, Bud and Bud light”
WCLDG: “Aghhh forget it, I don’t have any money anyway.”
TWMTBOTEC: “So if you don’t have money to buy a beer, why did you order one?”
WCLDG: “Well, I could get one with my smile.”
WCLDG proceeds to smile and just proved that he has horrible genetics, never brushed and/or chewed on rocks everyday for 6 years.
TWMTBOTEC: “How about I give you two beers to never smile around me again?”
Yet another confused person on how to act in a bar. WCLDG…see what you don’t understand, is that a smile will only get you so far in life, a really bad smile will get you nowhere in life. So, spend some extra hours at the office, or whatever it is you do and save save save for that one time you have an urge to grab a beer. Money=beer.
Bottle or Draft
A short lesson on Draft and Bottles.
Step by step instructions on how to order your favorite beer:
1. Get ready to go to the bar.
2. Put down your over powering cologne because you think it is going to get you laid tonight.
3. Think about what you want on the way to the bar (ahhh….remember this one??).
4. Walk up to the bar.
5. Take a second to survey the bar, there may be a bottle and draft selection in front of you (asking what’s on tap when the taps are in front of you make you look like illiterate asshole.)
6. Wait patiently for a bartender to greet you.
7. Order you favorite tasty beverage. If it is a beer, please specify if you would like your beer to come in draft or bottle form.
8. Pay and tip!
It’s that easy huh? See, some bartenders are not mind readers. We don’t know if you want draft or bottle. If we are busy and like 6 deep, we are going to give you a bottle. Pouring a draft takes a lot longer to get to you. So before you order your beer PLEASE tell us EXCATLY what it is you want.
Step by step instructions on how to order your favorite beer:
1. Get ready to go to the bar.
2. Put down your over powering cologne because you think it is going to get you laid tonight.
3. Think about what you want on the way to the bar (ahhh….remember this one??).
4. Walk up to the bar.
5. Take a second to survey the bar, there may be a bottle and draft selection in front of you (asking what’s on tap when the taps are in front of you make you look like illiterate asshole.)
6. Wait patiently for a bartender to greet you.
7. Order you favorite tasty beverage. If it is a beer, please specify if you would like your beer to come in draft or bottle form.
8. Pay and tip!
It’s that easy huh? See, some bartenders are not mind readers. We don’t know if you want draft or bottle. If we are busy and like 6 deep, we are going to give you a bottle. Pouring a draft takes a lot longer to get to you. So before you order your beer PLEASE tell us EXCATLY what it is you want.
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